Four Days Later

It amazes me how different I feel now since the last blog I wrote. Four days later and I am in a new country, it seems. On Monday I was on this high, feeling that everything was going my way. Mainly because I was going to be spending two days with Kyle. And now, I've managed to dig myself into a pit of despair. Seriously, what is wrong with me?
I am finding out that I am an emotional girl. I am prone to flights of fantasy, elation, and deep dark feelings. I don't think I'm manic, but boy do I ever like to swing the pendulum of emotion.
As I was sitting around thinking about it today, I decided that I am awakening. I have numbed myself to all joy and emotions the last few years. I wrapped myself in this cocoon of safety and didn't let anything escape. Now I'm coming out and I am naked, raw to the world of emotion. I have lost all those coping mechanisms. I think this theory may be correct for me right now.
I head to Nevada again in about 12 days. That's not so long. (Those are Kyle's words, he says that to cheer me up, to get me thinking like a normal human being.)
My new goal for this trip? To not cry when I leave. That has been my pattern for everything, not just parting with Kyle. I cried each time I left home for college. I cried both times I went to Europe. Every parting with anyone or any place, I get all teary eyed. We're talking about 20 years of programming at least. I think it has roots in my ill fated week with my Aunt Pam, that evil demon woman. (I can tell you that story later, if you're really interested.)
I wonder if I can do it. Give Kyle a big kiss and a hug and get in my car with a smile and no tears. Ok, gonna have to work on that. Just thinking about it gets me going. :)