I've noticed that in the midst of all my free time that I have become a woman obsessed. I've got this handful of things that I do constantly. Here's the list: eat, check my email, blogs, myspace, read and write on my blogs, eat, think about Kyle and how cool he is (knew that one was coming, I'm twitterpated), wonder at how I can be eating so much and am still losing weight, think about my goals and what I want to be doing in a year, which gets me thinking about Kyle again.
Yeah, so where ever I am, you can bet I'm doing one of the above mentioned things. It's kind of funny, maybe a bit OCD. But I'm also liking that I have time to just sit and think about me. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting a bit egotistical and then I realize that for the last 8 years, I've only thought about other people and how each and every decision I made was going to impact someone else and stressing about it. So much responsibility. Now I can just chill.
I'm liking taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am doing The Zone with Steven. He's gaining tons of muscle and I'm losing tons of fat. I'm melting away, gotta start working out so rumors don't start flying that I've got to LA and started up a coke habit. :)
Emotionally, I've got the best support system ever. Steven is a great roommate, he lets me vent whenever I need to. He is starting to tune me out when he hears Kyle's name though. Haha.
I can call my parents any time I want and it's so nice to be working on my friendships with my girlfriends again. For the last 6 years it's been nothing but Luke. I lost that deep connection with my girls. So sad. I can't let that happen again. I need that feminine support and energy to stay balanced.
And spiritually, I've been slacking. So I've started writing my three morning pages each day - just dumping thoughts on a page, feels great. I'm going to start meditating and I plan on making a conscious effort to find a new pace to live my life in. One that is slow, effortless. I have this erratic twitchy pace and it's tiresome. It wears me down and it's probably not good for my health at all.
It's so nice to start feeling more balanced and peaceful. I'm still working on this feeling of fear at having no clear plan. That's where my obsession with goals is coming from. But I've got Steven and Kyle to balance me out. They keep me laughing and encourage me not to take life so damn seriously.
Lately this feeling of being blessed has been popping up in my head. Usually when I hear people say, "I'm so blessed", I want to punch them in the face because it sounds so forced and phony. I don't think that blessed is what I want to use. I found this quote and put it on my myspace blog.
"Gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder." ~ G.K. Chesterton
I think that is more accurate for how I feel. Gratitude. I am in wonder and amazment at all this happiness that I've found. It's so cool!
And if I could bottle this stuff, I'd share it, sell it, send it. Be one rich woman. :)
Monday, March 5, 2007
Obsessed
Posted by Viola at 2:58 PM
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